You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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