we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
