No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
