He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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