Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
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