I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
