God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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