either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
