I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
