i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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