Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
