Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
