remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
