yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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