One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
