I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Randomize
