She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
