I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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