direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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