we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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