bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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