How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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