debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
