I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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