i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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