Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
