i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
