Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
