3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
