You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
you had me at cake vodka
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
