Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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