I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
