Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Randomize
