Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
