I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
