I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
