i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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