I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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