Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
