I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
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