chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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