Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
