no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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