??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
