He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
