he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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