the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
