kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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