I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
