a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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