I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
