I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
