Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
