I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
