things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
