in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
