she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
