she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Randomize
