How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
