I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
