i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize