i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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