I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
