Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
