I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
i think my cat just said my name.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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