dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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