no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize