Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
