Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
