He is such a slut. More and more my type.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
