Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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