He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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