Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
