Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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