a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
