omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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