omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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