That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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