Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
