he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
