you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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