I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
try to milk me bitch
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
