I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
