she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
