my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Randomize
