There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize